Monday, July 19
I guess very soon I will be having my parents down in Ms Lai's office, dricking coffee, so called. I am certainly not looking forward to that as I will have soon pretty embarrassing and even awkward situations to handle. That is gonna be quite hard to manage. We'll see when the day comes.
PW is a total drain of my time and I am finding it hard to even seek infomation on my project topic. Interviews with authority seem so far-fetched. I never receive and reply from these people whom I sent emails out to. Sigh. Quite disheartening as well. But I guess we have to substantiated our project with more books and online websites.
I am beginning to learn from the horrible grades of my result. Maybe this will wake me up from my holiday mood. Even though I managed to scrape pass GP, it was a great disappointment that I only managed to pass for my mother tongue. I guess I was very distracted during the paper. Paper 1, Composition was a total failure. Not only did I fail to indicate the question number, my story was lame and similar to every other chinese soul in meridian. This lack in creativity failed my compo. It was actually 17/70 but the teacher was lenient ebnough to let me rectify the question hence the final 31/70. Still a fail but not as bad. As least overall, i managed to pass or else the consequences would have dire. All these years As in Chinese has made me unable to take this blow, I feel impotent in the language all of a sudden. It seems that I have been neglecting this subject and it is clearly reflected in the results. I guess I should be focusing more on this subject if I want to be done with it at the end of the year. Chinese oral didn't seem as well as I thought so I guess I really have to score quite well for the rest of the paper. Anyway enough of all these complains.
I just realise that many of my friends are relating their new-poly life to me. The kind of carefree and lax life that you lead in poly. I am tempted. But I know what I want at the end of my education so I guess have to trudge through this JC life. Anyway the NS word keeps flashing across my mind, reminding me that if I cease my education over at meridian, I will be enlisted immediately. Sickening. It heightens my hatred, if you wanna call it, for Singapore. No freedom at all. So much for human rights. yeah right, my foot. Over the weekends, the poly people are always free and easy. With nothing to do at all, while the JC people slog their life out. Actually that was a sweeping statement, because from what I see some people are not even stressed out by JC life. Well, maybe I am not accustomed to this kind of busy life style. I think I am not putting enough effort into my work. I feel bad everytime I have to face the teachers.
I keep lamenting about my situation but I guess there is not much i can do about it. blame it on my birthday, blame it on me, blame it on Singapore. even as I write this entry, I fear being discovered by any patriachal beings who may report me to authority. I am sick. The flu came and subsided but it didn't recover. I attribute it to the cold weather recently. Maybe. Anyway I will be embarking on a series of exercise to make up for the long break that I had taken. In order to pass NAFA and ensure that I need not be enlisted into NS earlier, I will have to keep fit and pass. Anyway it feels damn ostracised to be doing conditioning while the rest of the world is playing games. UNfair. Anyway I am aiming to join the SAF central band, rumours had it that it is so much lax there as compared to NS. Either I be there or I die. So better pray hard and train hard to get in.
Currently, I am involved in some racial harmony thingy. The Chinese teacher volunteered on my behalf. Gosh. It was fun nevertheless. I gain CIP hours too. Haha. Well, after all the indian racist jokes, we have to sing tamil songs now. haha, so much for revenge and retribution. The group song sounded awesome and individual race sond as well. Tomorrow I will be performing the tamil song. Wish me luck. Woohoo. Anyway I discovered something new about myself. related to CHinese, is that I can actually write those emotional essays quite reasonably, and that all these while I do have an interest in writing this kind of essay and the teacher wrote in my essay that I should develop this interest and read more of such genre. Yuppie, I think I will go into this kind of genre. Even though I thought the essay was the best I had written so far as I have problems expressing myself due to the lack of using Chinese and that is bad. Well, speak chinese more often then. Yeah.
My life is getting boring. I am so tired. Yawn. gonna sleep. I don't know when will be the next time I have the time and strength I will text again. yupz. see ya.
11:48:00 PM
Friday, July 9
I went to see a doctor today, my Dad brought me there. Since the wednesday Thurs PE lesson, I have been feeling unwell, I guess it was because I caught a bit of the rain drops. It started with flu and got worse. After going home and taking a nap, it became a flu, sore throat and fever. Damn. And I am going to have Chinese A Level oral today.
Anyway oral was bad, i thought, i had always like chinese oral but I was kinda disappointed with myself today. Partially because of my condition, it didn't allow me to respond quick enough and maintain my usual self. I stammered during the passage reading. There was this portion which I totally broke down, and had many stops in between. I wonder how many marks those evil examiners are going to deduct?
I've got two female examiners this time. They looked hostile when I was waiting for my turn at the silent-reading area. When I approached them, my heart sank. One was an ugly bitch and the other was some senile-looking creature. That bitch was totally a bitch. Throughout my oral, she gave me this unimpressed look. Fine, but still she could have paid some attention at least. She was looking everywhere except me. It gave me the idea that either what i say is redundant or she is just bored with me. Hate her.. and there was the other one. She spoke so softly that even even her lips are barely moving. I had to make her repeat herself so many times and even strained myself to hear her. It felt really awful. She looked at me with those silly-looking eyes and that don't-care attitude of her totally turned me off.
I came out of the exam venue feeling quite upset about it. I wonder where these examiners are from. They ought t deserve complains. I remembered my O Level examiners being very very very very kind evven though they didn't look really pleasant to look at but at least they were kind. Not like now, ugly and mean.
My flu is getting on my nerve. I had to be conscious about the fluid leaking out of my nose. It is runny so it can just drip out without my notice. So to prevent such ugly situation, I have to be alert. Haha. I think I owe the school $10 dollars for failing to return the blazer. I always forget about it, oh man.. Sigh..
So far, exams results haven't been good. I failed the MCQ of the economics paper, which is a probable that I fail the whole paper unless I get full marks for the other components. Anyway the teacher had said that none of us passed. Sigh.. History didn't seem any better. After Mr Pang went through the answer, I lost my confidence in passing. In the end they had to send the papers for moderations even though Ms LAi claims that in meridian, there is no moderations. What irony. It just dawn on me that if this continues, the chance of staying back in year 1 is nil, as I will probably be kicked out of college. And the terrible thought of being enlisted into NS immediately if that happens really puts me off. I just received a deferment letter regarding my NS enlistment. it seems like only I got the paper and the whole world has no idea what that enlistment letter is about. My god, why am i born on such an early date. After reading the information in the letter, I felt very edgy. It said that if i cease this current course I am studying or I happen to stay back (pls don't let it happen), I will be enlisted immediately in NS. There will only be one chance to defer and after that you will just have to enter NS without a qualified certificate with you. That sucks man. Totally. Sigh..
I guess I shouldn't be thinking too much about all these. MAybe I should spend all these time doing my work and excercising. I think I am fat and unfit. I wanna pass this NAFA test so I need not be enlisted into NS earlier for conditioning training. Hmm, many things to do, take care dude.
-mtrlc's voice
9:46:00 PM
Sunday, July 4
hmm.. i just realised this blog is gettttingggg.. vvveerrrrrry vvveerrryy staaaagnnant... maybe it is time i do something about it.. well, exams just ended.. phew.. what a relief.. anyway i doubt I will do very well as I didn't make use of the chance and time to study.. Sigh, I feel guilty.. I keep my fingers crossed and pray that O do not fail too badly.. ah well..
unlike others, I had exams everyday of the week and it totally drained my energy for the entire week. Since the first paper, I felt this lax on my part, much as I want to carry on persisting, it didn't come. I spent every night, supposedly mugging, at macdonald. I found that it is only effective for me when I study outside of home. I'm not one who can study without civilisation. It makes me distracted very easily. Anyway it was on tuesday night that the blackout throughout the island interrupted my mugging.
I was at mac with Si Jun , busily studying, when the light just went off. Everyone in mac, well, only the few of us left, were kinda pissed off with the wrongly timed black out. But anyway, I thought it would resume after mac went to check their power supply. It was then i realise that the streets outside are dark. My heart sank. It was probably a black out in the entire island.
And so mac chased us out so we had to fumble our way through the darkness. We just walked aimlessly, together with many other people. They had came out to take a stroll due to the unbearable heat. Maybe to join in the crowd. We wanted to go to Melvin's house, but we thought we needed to climb 4 storeys and that his family would be panicking as well, and will probably have no time for us. So we shan't make the surprise visit. Anyway we walked around and came to my block. I saw a row of candles lit along the corridors. It was real nice and everyone was out with their touchlights and candles, as if having some festival of lights or something. Kids were playing around with fire sparks as well.. haha.. coolness.
So we waited around the lift. I started wondering, what will happen to the airport and NEL and people stuck in the lifts. since like most friends who messaged me said that it was a blackout in the whole island. Well, Si Jun discarded my thought, saying that they will have their own generator and will probably have electricity supply. hmm, I wonder what is the cause of it. Anyway I saw my neighbour and she happen to be going up the stairs to her house. So we borrowed her touch light and went up with her. It is better to be at home then loiter around.
The lights took almost 2 hours to come back. I was looking out of the window when it came back. There was this sigh of relief when it came back.. kinda comical too..
tomorrow is Montfiesta 7 and I will be playing in the concert as well as be Eugene's co-host for the evening.. This is my first time doing emcee, I am looking forward to it. Hopefully I can do a good job. Actually the alumni are not so helpful as to go back to help. Well, personally, I 'greatly' volunteered to help because i wanted to recollect the memories I had last year at esplanade. It is a very very glamorous place with nice setting and stuff. It would be great to be back there again.. Yupz..
I am feeling very down now. I guess many things are happening at the same time. Hmm.. so much so I don't know the reason for this down side. Sigh. Neither do I wish to publicise it as well. I guess I will be fine by tomorrow..
-heartbroken & sad..
11:35:00 PM
