Thursday, February 26
The night before the release of the long-awaited annual 'O' Level results.. It is beyond my ability to put my feelings into words now.. I am so so so looking forward to this big event that is to take place 24 hours from now... Gosh.. There is going to be a lot of things to look forward to.. friends.. all the coloured hair and changed style.. and so on.. everything.. I am so going to be overwhelmed tomorrow.. yeah..
Sad, I still have to go to work tomorrow though... but will be released at 1pm to do my stuff and get back by 7pm.. alright not so bad though.. I am alright with that.. Just got myself back into the usual self again.. the weird and tensed situation is gone from now.. I have realised that it was actually both parties who are being over-sensitive and paraniod thus causing so much unhappiness. It turns out that it was only some minor missunderstanding which we solved over a meal at Long John Silver.. Cool.. Turn out that they treasure our friendship after all these stormy period.. I love them.. ya.. thanks so much..
But again.. I just got myself into some trouble.. I think I am caught with in a relationship with that Malay girl.. She is nice but I can't bear to hurt her. I tried to reject her but just couldn't.. he just broke off with her boyfriend and was saying how all guys are jerks.. except me.. according to what she says.. So I thought it would be cruel to hurt her even more.. However I did told her that if nothing was to come out at the end of the day, I hope she would understand me.. These days she has been feeling very vexed and down.. COuld tell.. I had some real talk with her and she said partly I wass a reason for her mood.. She didn't want to see me moody and only wanted to see the me in the past when I first entered metro.. I apologised for these moody period but can't help it..
I think I will let her cool down and then have a good talk with her again.. I don't want her to bear the burden of the o level results and my news.. Man.. I don't know what to do.. gosh...
I am suppose to be at a chalet now.. It was thomas' chalet.. and wei lung just told me to join the fun.. I wanted to go cause it would be boring to worry alone at home.. We should worry together.. But I think they are going to have fun.. Joel had his own chalet with his classmates.. I'm so envious.. Haha.. I have no one to turn to... Nah.. joking...
Called CHing SI and Si Jun.. both of which didn't want to go.. so boring.. can't blame.. they are tired.. Me too.. I think I should rest at home too.. Gosh.. I am still thinking about tomorrow... These two days.. I have been buying things from Metro as if it is free.. Bought relevant and redundant stuffs.. haha.. I bought this 'Kappa' or aka 'Converse' bag... Absolutely love it... haha... will premier it soon.. Haha
I dunnoe what to say next.. just wait for the o level results to come out before saying anything else...
-anticipation...
11:47:00 PM
Monday, February 23
The atmosphere was rather weird these last two days at metro.. The usual noisy and playful gang, actually toned down and became like dead zombies. It felt awkward. Whenever we were around, we always joke and laugh like no one's business but now there was this silence and invisible wall blocking each and everyone of us.. Kinda sad isn't it..
I don't know what is wrong with me.. Maybe I am affected by the environment. I have been feeling very down recently..suddenly.. Especially at the sight of hmm hmm.. Even the name irks me.. what more the sight.. I have a penknife with me.. what can I do with it and the person I detest to see..?? Pretty obvious isn't it??
I don't call this mood swings.. I would rather say that it is a form of after-effect as a result of the environment.. haha.. so chem.. Everyone has been feeling like this lately.. I don't know why.?? I wana know.. I hate this hostility that exist yet we are living in denial of its existance.
Today, I got so mad at SJ.. He totally pissed me off.. I feel that he was taking me as a way of frustration.. True enough, friends are there to let you vent your anger on sometimes. But I feel that I am being taken for granted and that it is not just a once in a blue moon thing.. It happens every now and then.. I am sick..
Here's what he did.. He was showing me that f**king face and attitude as if telling me 'what kinda moron are you'. He was staring into blank space so I tapped him on the cheek. And he was like asking 'where are we going next'. I said no idea. Next he began to shout and repeated the question for twice or thrice.. As if telling me that I must make a decision now if not he is going to throw me off the bridge or something.. I controlled myself. I didn't explode.. What made me fume was that he turned around and started talking to the others. In a nice tone as if sucking up to them or pacifying them..makes me wanna puke.. urgh.. What does he take me for? a low class servant or unworthy friend?? I have absolute no idea what is the different between me and the others. Why must he have a change in treatment..?? What more is that I known him longer than them.. SO that makes me invalid?? Gosh.. I feel so taken for granted..
So on the way home, one can easily tell my face.. They were like asking what happen?? why do you look so angry and sad.. I had to suppress my emotions and squeeze out a fake smile, saying 'orh, I am probably to tired, that's why, sorry about that'.. I felt horrible.. While he was on the same train as well, happily chatting away about all their basketball and game stuff..Oblivious to my existance and darkening mood..
I don't understand.. Everytime he talks about basketball or LAN games or soccer or what.. I feel very inferior or should I say left out.. One thing is that I am not good in these mindless chasing games or the staring into the screens.. But I do play then just that not as often.. Why must they make it as though, 'hey, do u play basketball, Lan games or whatever'.
'Oh, you don't' then too bad, get out of my sight'.. It is like you are an outcast of the group.. That sucks.. It felt horrible.. I may not be good in these but.. Sigh.. got nothing to say.. Makes me feel abnormal being handicap in these areas which are commonly associate with 'The Manhood'.. That's what I am beginning to think and probably the thinking of many many males out there.. I feel so dumb.. I tried to pick them up and telling myself, 'oh how much I like these games'. But only to find that there's no freaking way I can ever get myself squeeze it into my life what more become a pro in it... Simply because they are not my areas of strength.. But it feels bad when you are out together with a group guys (especially those in metro) and they start to talk about all these.. It felt like you are an abnormal being... Plus to make things worse, we have some people who obviously can't play them well, yet likes to meddle in everything as though they are really that good.. When the lights goes off, their true self reveals to show a moron.. I can't stand these people.. posers, I call them..
Damn.. I am so crazy.. so .. so... I am lost for words.. Sigh..
-Weak
12:23:00 AM
Friday, February 20
MTV Asia'a Award.. I mised the show but luckily Melvin recorded it for me.. Otherwise I will regret it.. But anyway there was really nothing much to see.. Except maybe BoA, Blue, and Black Eye Peas and Mariah Carey.. Anyway I dropped by Melvin's house yesterday to collect the tape and stayed there for 2 hours or so I think. Damn.. that hmm hmm was there.. I think he knows abt this blog and reads it as well, but who cares, it is MY blog.. I thought it would had been more fun had hmm hmm not been there. Craps.. Oh yar.. thank Vineson and Sharif for their belated birthday present. It was this nice, aquatic converse sandals. So nice and comfy. Every year they gave me presents but belated ones however it always puts me on the high mood. Thanks again..
Recently I got myself into the friendster craze again.. I was actually off this thing but suddenly got hooked up again. I was going around adding people who I know and all that. Pure Craziness. There was this testimonial thing which got me so addicted as well. I like writing testimonials about others. It tells me how much I actually know that person. Kinda Fun.
Then in the evening I went out with Serena for dinner. She came to look for me during the Metro closing down sales on valentine's day. However I was too busy on that day so I didn't really talk much to her what more go out and entertain her. I felt guilty after that. She came but I was like not able to attend to her. So I thought it would be polite to ask her out one of these days.
She was telling me about her JC life and how badly she did for her tests.. Yar.. really bad 1 out of 25 marks. Haha but as if I was any better. When you don't have the mood, you simply can't get anything into your head. I haven't had that experience for a long time. So we went to Tampines Mall for dinner. Then Mr Tay called, he asked me about a trumpet and organ concert that he was tellnig me this morning. I told him that I will try to make it and can't promise anything. In the end I still went, half an hour late though..
I took a train to City HAll and wondered around the area trying to figure out where exactly do I head to get to Esplanade. It was like 7.45om then but I was still strolling along City Hall area. Then I saw two giant 'Durians', ok , I know where to go. I told myself, If the tickets are going to cost a lot and that I am really late for half an hour, I might as well give it a miss..
When I reached the concert hall, I lazed around wondering whether to buy the ticket. It turn out that it only cost me $11 for student rates. Not so bad. So I bought one and went in. Esplanade is so classy, you must be properly dressed in order not to shame yourself. Luckily I was weraing something quite decent. I dashed up to the concert hall and waited outside. The reception lady or whatever you call her was rather friendly, she told me to wait outside and view over the plasma for the time being until they have suitable breaks. So I waited. Then I went in. Oh, the memories of our Montfiesta. I love this concert hall. Although the Montfiesta concert was nothing fantastic but the concert hall was enough to overwhelm us. The beautiful organ and nicely decorated hall is superb. I love to play in here again. So I sat down at the sight of an empty seat.
I was at the third piece, hmm I think it is called Sonata for trumpet and Organ by Haji Hakim.. Fantastic. I have never gone for an organ-playing concert so this was like the first time. It was so nice. The complexity of the organ and its sound. Simply beyond words. but some parts was rather blaring for me. I think I need time to get use to the organ sound first. But it just looked so cool to be able to play an organ, in esplanade somemore. And the trumpet soloist, he is one of the best I've heard so far in my life. His tone and vibrato and everything. I looked at him in awe. He's good. Wish I could be like that too. As both musician were playing at the organ stand. SO the audience had to look up and see them. So it sort of resembles so sort of admiration as we were all literally looking up at them. But I must say they are good.
During the interval, I saw a lot of caucasians around. Suddenly I felt rather uncomfortable about my asian identity. I don't know, there was this thing about being asian and caucasians, and receiving different treatments. Maybe I am too sensitive. Then I found Mr Tay.. Finally a familiar face but he was too busy with his friends, so I found a corner and waited for the interval to be over. Pathetic. I only saw him after the concert as I didn't want to sit with him. His seat was too below and you havve to look really up to see the performers. So I rather stick to my seat as it was on the second floor and provided a horizontal view.
After the concert, I thought I could sit down and have a meal with Mr Tay and chat like as usual but he said he was too busy this time. So I left them and headed for Lavender. My parent are waiting there to fetch me home. After a long day, it is always nice to hitch a ride from people especially your own parent. I love them..
-Trumpeter
12:15:00 PM
Thursday, February 19
... I don't know where to start... well, since the last three days of the Metro closing down sale I was finally able to catch my well-deserved break. However, Metro will be closed for a week and getting all-out for the warehouse sale. Thus this week will be a very free and relaxed one for all cashiers. Cause basically we are not needed in the moving of the stocks and so on. So free. We get our pay for nothing.
Then the company decided to not pay us our OT money for the last three days of the closing sale. But instead, they will let us off early from work this week, nicely put replacement hour. So unfair. The guys were saying how unfair it is however thoe girls were smiling and laughing away as if there was nothing. They were saying there was nothing much we could do so just resign to it. I was rather unhappy about it but I didn't make a fuss cause I thought it was not asked for. Anyway we were upset because the OT hours pays us at 1.5 rate than usual. However if they let us off early, we only deduct 1 rate of the pay, so what about the 0.5 rate. I am just making a very simple scenario of the situation, nevermind if you don't get it. Anyway just unhappy.
I know recently I have been buying cds.. no partically reason.. just buy.. Sigh.. so crazy.. I even bought two cds. same songs but different packaging and content. The S.H.E. cd lol. Yeah.. Haiz.. Dear me..
These few days I also went to bowling and movie with Yuki and gang. They are just a bunch of craze people who likes to party and hang out in groups that really makes noise and laughter. haha, from Metro to the cinema to the bowling alley. We are the noisiest. especially in the bowling alley, when we roll the ball out (sorry, not roll, the girls drop the balls and it was so loud. I think they almost caused a hole in the ground.)
Anyway we went to watch Along came Polly, oh gosh.. I love Jennifer Aniston. She is so funny and good.. and pretty. Her role Polly... Prince really made my day. I only remember Alex and I laughing like hell when in the cinemas. Oh Yar, before the movie started, there was a sneak preview of the Thai Movie, My Girl.. SO stupid... One fat boy was trying to sound like the girls and he was so damen.. oh god can't help laughing.. And they even had some CHina drama going on in the movie. Gotta catch it sometime and have a good laugh. yeepee..
It was so crazy these few days .. Had fun with them. Today was the buffet thingy.. for cashiers.. and it was goin rather boring for us as we temporary staff had no business in their affairs so we took our leave early and went to play... bowling... again.
This time with more man-power, we barged into the bowling alley.. haha.. sounds so dramatic right.. yar.. thought the game would be fun.. turn out to be a rather serious match. I think it was because of one or two experst around. I guess.. Anyway it was still fun nevertheless..
After which, we went into the arcade and played for one hour plus.. then sat outside the arcade and talked until 6pm. Then we split and went different directions. Alex went with me to look for Andy at Orchard, his bank book iss with me. So stupid. He left it with me during the NYP openhouse and have yet to claim it back. No fear, I didn't peep into it.. Yar.. I swear...
It was so nice. One week, alright, 5 days not being able to see that hmm hmm... Thank god.. I purposely changed my off days from tues, wed and thurs to wed, thurs and fri, even one day not seeing him makes my day.. Today is the start of my three off days and I am looking forward to it.. Especially tomorrow cause I am going out with someone... Yeah.. cool man... Haha, well, that's al; folks... Stay tune for the next update.. Smile. and take care...
-m.t.r.l.c.
12:33:00 AM
Thursday, February 12
14 Feburary - Valentine's Day.. I am working full-shift.. damn it man.. anyway even if I am not, there's no one to go out and celebrate with me too.. haha.. I've got a shock of my life two days ago.. Over at work there was this Malay girl call Marlena, she is a very funny and nice girl but she really gave me a shock of my life on that day.
The night before, she sms-ed me, tellling me that she was feeling very sick and low. However I was on the computer and phone at the same time. So I didn't reallt concentrated on her smses. But she was like very weird in the way she messaged me. Then one of the message read, I think I like you. Ok, fair enough, I laughed. I thought she was joking. SO the next day I spoke to her as usual. Then Deren was beside us. He was telling her something which I don't know. I think both of them were laughing and giggling away. Next Marlena asked me to come over. SO i did. Then she asked what's my length?? I was puzzled for a moment then Deren and her started giggling. She was rather shy as well. I knew what they were asking. Stupid question. As if I got go and measure. Lamers. I ignored them and walked off.
Next Marlena called me to go over again. She then said are you free on Valentine's Day. I paused for a while. I didn't want to reject her right in the face yet didn't know what to say. Gosh. What an awkward situation she put me in. She sensed my reluctance and said I have someone I liked right so didn;t want to go out with her. I continued to be stunned. And she was like calling me darling and all that. I thought she was joking so I just responded and played along. Soon enough the whole metro knows that she called me Darling. Boo. Playing only mah. They then thought we were an item and my colleagues were like teasing me about it. I just took it as a joke because she would say a lot of things about liking me and then say that she was only joking. I'm puzzled.
That night, she messaged me and told me that it was her first time liking a CHinese guy. I heard that she has got a boyfriend but she said she was getting becoming feelingless for him. I wonder. Then she said a lot about her feelings for me. And that the rest of the girls are jealous of her being able to call me darling and hugging me. I shivered. I didn't know I created so much trouble. Heehee. But I didn't want to hurt her cause I don't have any feelings for her. SO I told her to take things easy and see first. She said its ok but she wants me to be frank and open with her. I think she wanted to be really good friends with me. Maybe. I dunnoe.. haha. I guess I didn't expect my first girlfriend to be a malay girl, not that I am racist just that it was very shocking to find out all this within a few hours. Somemore for someone who comes from an all boys school. I was definitely cruel to do that to him. Then she kept asking me why am I 17 years old. I guess she mind my age but honestly if I like someone, I don't care about the age.
Today I went to BLue's autograph session. They were so cool man. They rock.. I love their singing especially Lee. He had a very wide range and always holds the upper register to the music. Marvellous. Beautiful. I idolise them. It felt rather weird as there was surprisingly little crowd until they actually arrived. I think most of the peeople didn't know of this session. Weel, I did. I think they are good. SO far they are the only boy band I really admire. The girls were like screaming away when they arrived (sorry, I change my use of the word screaming to screeching). Guess what, when the girls go on stage, all were given a hug from the Blue members. So fortunate of them right. They all almost fainted. I went up ( you don't expect me to hug them right??), so instead I gave all of them a firm handshake. I think they are so cool. Haha, western pop stars are simply different from local and asian pop stars in general. Surely you don't see Stef Sun or Vic Zhou going around hugging people right. Not even on their autograph session. I really envy those Western People. I think I would rather foresake my asian features. Well, I'm thinking too much.. Crazy and foolish sia.
-mtrlc
9:32:00 PM
Monday, February 9
yeah.. I've got my hardwork paid off finally.. My payday.. yupz.. I've got MY own money.. haha... although not much.. but i felt rather excited after all it was my hard earned money.. yesterday when we got our pay, we went out to party and celebrate.. YW treated Melvin and I to swesen (oh gosh.. i have no idea how to spell that word.. argh..). Anyway we ordered and spent up to about 100 bucks i think.. almost.. The ice-cream is simply superb.. they call it earthquake..
After which we decided to go to K-box, by then it was like already past midnight. We took 111 thinking that it still goes to Hougang. It took us on a half an hour ride round Orchard before we realise our mistake. Dumb Asses... Sigh..
So we flagged a taxi and took it back to Hougang Plaza where there was a K-box there. We wanted to check out the price first as the previous experience reminds us of the costly singing session. This time we decided to find out the price before making any rash move.
Over there, we found out that it was about $15 bucks per person. Alright, fair enough. So we went in. We sang from 12am to 3am before dragging our tired body home together with a strained throat. It wasn't so bad for me. I sang the most yet didn't suffered the pain of throat. Both of them did.
It has been long since we last party out like that. So crazy. I thought of the days when we would sing like crazy and then all the stupid and mad stufff.. Madness... But now, I guess people have to grow up and we couldn't be like what we used to be. Things change.
I remembered my O level results. Panic. The thought of having to make important that is obviously going to affect the whole of my life should I make any rash move of hasty decision. I have no idea. There was not so much worries about the O level results. What I am more concern is the post result period when you have to make a lot of crucial decisions. Just turns me off. Sigh.. I think I need to sit down with myself and talk about what I want to do.. Dear Dear Dear.. What am I to do...??
- Crossroad - Confused..
12:11:00 AM
Friday, February 6
hey hey.. so sorry people.. hmm.. I was Not busy these few (alright, many) days. just that I was too tired after coming back from that monotonous job of mine. It felt as though I could do nothing except sleep or lay back like a dead fish. Thus not having a chance to update my blog...
Anyway nothing much these days. I feel sick of talking about my job even some found it interesting.. Haha, Joel visited me the other day. Oh for goodness sake, even if he wants to trick me, he could have ask ask for the price of an item in English, but he did it in CHinese. I have been friends with him for so many years, its like I cannot recognise that ........(how to say) whatever, accent of his in Chinese. So obvious. I didn't even bother to look uo, I just said, "yes, Joel, don't try to trick me". Haha so stupid of him.. He asked, 'Er, zhe ge duo shao qian' (how much is this)? haha, I saw through him immediately. failed.
7 Jan, my pay day. I so look forward to that day when I can wave my money around and spent on all the things I want but that are redundant. I am good for that, ain't it? haha..
Nothing to say le.. I also don't know where to start from now that I haven been updating for so long... By the way, I recommend Last Samurai and Peter Pan. These are the two movies I watched consecutively and they are terrific. Very Nice. Both of wich has touching moments. Thumbs Up!!
-mtrlc's Smile
11:54:00 AM