Saturday, November 29
Britney Spears - "In The Zone" > "Everytime"
Come notice me
And take my hand
So why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done?
You seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
At night I pray that soon your face
Will fade away
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
-----> Hey.. Very nice and touching song by Britney Spears. I really like this song as I feel a lot for it especially the chorus section. Kinda find it meaningful and hopefully it inspires you too. Go download the song when you are free. (oops!!..)
-Inspired
3:21:00 PM
State Of Excitement
I can still recall that day when my aunt called me to inform me that I am going to Korea with them. I was blown away by the news. Still remember it was during the 'O' level period and Miss Chai was with me that day. She thought I was going away at such time but I explained to her that it is going to be after the 'O's. She even wrote a note "no going anywhere until your O level is over". Both of us laughed over her blunder.
Finally this day has arrived. I will taking the night flight at 2am and it is going to be a 6-hours flight. Also heard that we will be transitting at Hong Kong before heading for Korea. Hopefully can squeeze out some time to take a look at Hong Kong. No SARS or whatever please. Haha (Lame)
What have I missed out? I think my luggage and bag is exploding because of those thick woolen clothes. Camera, Disc-man, CDs, are my daily essentials and I will die without them. What else? Ear muffs, clothes, soap blah blah. I think I have brought all that I need. Don't think I will miss anything. Still trying to borrow a video camera so that at least can get some moving graphics back and not just still photos. Who can I get it from?
I will be gone for a week and have no idea whether I get to update this blog during this period. I tried to pack my labtop into my luggage but it was too troublesome so might as well not. Wish I can find a computer over there and update this blog over there.
I am going to miss my parents and friends over here. Take great care of yourselves guys especially my parents. Well, I will bring back some gifts and stuffs for my pals. So I guess I will see you when I am back. Many 'hopefullys' and 'wishes' to fulfill so as to update you guys about my latest. Don't worry if I can't cause I've got a notebook with me to record the latest happenings in Korea. Maybe I will find inspirations to write some lyrics. By the way it is a craze that my friends and I just picked up. We write lyrics and add music to it so as to realise it into a song.
Anyway take care as I go and check on my luggage again. See ya
-Xcited
2:31:00 PM
Friday, November 28
A place that belongs to me
I have been so busy living my life that there is no time to update this blog of mine. Hopefully the ability to write is still there. Anyway these days I had been to many different JC Band tune-ins, open house and shopping malls. All these happenings had simply dazzled me and making me realise how massive and complicated the society really. But I know I am in for more as there is still a long way to go.
JC, Poly or Work? I wonder which I should choose? Should I appeal in any JC, they don't seem to much interest in me. So what if I am a trumpeter from Montfort Band and had performed in Esplanade, it comes to nothing in when placed next to academic studies. It was not as if i had chose to get 22 for my aggregate but it just happened. I wished I had done better that time but it was too late. I am sure of my capabilities but it is too late. I pray hard for my 'O's results. I really long for somewhere to go to for the first three month even though I may be an unofficial student there but I really don't mind.
Many had asked why I do not see Poly as another route for me? Honestly, I did consider but it just seems to me that I am one who is more suitable for JC life-style. I absolutely have no idea. I feel that I am too young to work and not ready for the society however not making it for the JC first three months, it looks like I have to start sourcing for a job to work. But what? Who is going to hire a 'O' level student like me, and when I have not even get my results back? I hate the situation I am in but I have to brave it through. Hopefully I don't suffocate. What should I do next? Clueless.
-Confused
4:35:00 PM
Friday, November 21
Rainbow after the Storm
Yeah.. after three months of academic struggle, it has finally come to an end. Such a relief. But come to think about all that has happened, it was all worth the pain. So what am I going to do next? I have no idea. There are so many post-exam activities that I have no idea where to begin. Only one word to describe my state of mind - confused.
Even as I am walking along a road, I feel the breeze and that my footsteps have become lighter. It is as though my heart had been lifted of a heavy burden, although I don't really consider O Level a burden to me. Instead it has refreshed my life and moulded me into the a more mature and sensible being. It has also kept me occupied for the past three months but all of a sudden, there was nothing to keep me occupied anymore. It is a weird feeling of emptiness but I know that I will find my own stuff to do real soon.
Relief--
10:23:00 AM
Tuesday, November 18
Relief or Premonition
Today marks the end of the two year course for A Maths as the paper had just came to an end. It was surprisingly easy which was a total off-scale from my prediction. For the first time in my life, I was able to brisk through an A Maths paper without much effort. It was a real comfort to know that I was actually capable of completing an A Maths paper. However, I dread to think about the post-exam period when I had to suffer in agony - with only the thought of getting back the results. Yet at the same time, the post exam activities is simply fascinating. Hopefully complacency affect my results in the upcoming papers. Indeed the A Maths paper today had given me the motivation I require to move further in my studies and I kind of like it to continue.
The penultimate paper will be History which is tomorrow. Every assignment I had done seemed to either contain mixed up facts or insufficient ones. I am sick of having to listen to what the teachers have to say about my scripts. When can I ever present a satisfactory script which I can confidently say it is factual and is mine? I really hope that I will not smoke my way through the paper tomorrow because it never ends on the right note.
I am now stuffing all the historical facts into already full hard drive. I pray that I will be filled to the brim yet or even allow distortion to occur anytime from now till tomorrow, because that will be the end of my combine humanities result. I do want to do well in my combine humanities as it is prominantly one of my better results. I keep my fingers cross till tomorrow. May I find the strength to keep me going during the paper and not spend my time wondering which way to head or what to write.
Sigh & Smile.
6:00:00 PM
Sunday, November 16
No Way To Say
The old wound left on me
Begins to ache
I hide my trembling heart again
And pretend to smile
Even in my age now, I'm the same as before
As timid as before
I only learn how to pretend to be strong
Though my heart is filled with feelings to convey
You see, I can't change them into words well
If I had not met you
I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain
Little by little, I've come to realize
That my past never heals
And that it's no use
Fearing the future I can't refuse
How much more courage do I need
To say with my head held high
"This is the only important thing to me" ?
Though I have firm feelings
You see, I can't change them into words as usual
Everyone is living this way
With feelings they can't express
Though my heart is filled with feelings to convey
You see, I can't change them into words well
If I had not met you
I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain and ...
7:52:00 PM
Saturday, November 15
What a day I've been through! I actually sat in front of my computer and broke down and started sobbing within seconds. Amazing. It was really dramatic and emotional, and come to think about it - funny. But I didn't know till today that expressing your emotions through tears was such a great way. Maybe I should recommend it to people[Lame]. Crying is a priviledge to girls and women anymore, this kind of life is simply driving people crazy that we as humans have to learn to release our frustrations. I guess this is one of the million ways. Which way did you employ then?
I guess I just could not make ends meet earlier on and it was like such a melancholy atmosphere for me and the only thing that my brain did was to manipulate my tears to start working before the wear off. I woke up feeling paranoid since this morning and I knew that it is not going to be a day for me to look forward to. To makes matters worse, this emotional setbacks have to be complimented with the O level examination which is just one week to the finale. I hate to be distracted from my studies but I just cannot control myself, it was as though everything just happen as though it was a drama series.
Lucky for me, I have a friend whom I confided in or else I cannot imagine what is going to happen to me. And I should actually thank him for making me reflect upon myself and also talking sense into me. Learning how to reflect on ones behaviour and character is really not a simple task. Very often you tend to look over things which are actually an obvious sore. It is amazing how someone like me could actually be ashamed of my actions for a moment. For a moment I felt like an immature moron but my friend told me I was not. I wonder.
Sometimes you wish you were not in this situation or even deny your own identity. However we can never expect that to happen. Not at all. I love movies. There seems to allow me to imagine the wildest and even put myself into the shoes of the characters. I can't help but wish I was one of the characters at times. Super-powers, gorgeous looks, unique characters, they are so near yet so far. I really wonder why we are who we are. Will there be a day we could actually escape reality and enter the world of fiction and fantasy. Well, I'm just thinking about the impossible. Since things are the way they are, then I shall make full use of them and alter it to my advantage. I have come to realise that moving against the motion of a certain trend is never easy. One has no other way out but to move along with the trend which is the sad thing. That is there are few creative and original people around because imitations are simply too common a sight in society. Saddening.
9:47:00 PM
Sunday, November 9
The night before having to face the ultimate fear these two years, O Level Additional Mathematics paper. It is definitely not a hyperbole by saying that I have not passed any of the A Maths tests and exams so far. However I am glad and consoled that I am able to make it till this far as it goes to show that there is still a glimpse of hope at the end of the tunnel.
I wonder how tonight is going to pass? I guess I might not be able to sleep at all and get so tensed up. However, I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be the day I can confidently say that I can do the paper. I believe that there is a beginning to everything and that tomorrow's paper will be the first A Maths paper that I am going to pass and hopefully do reasonably well. I refuse to succumb to the fact that I am a 'Math-retard'. Over the past few weeks, I have come to realise that I can actually understand and do well in Maths. Rest assure.
The last week had been a terrific start for me especially the Mathematics papers. I know that this will continue the next two weeks. Hopefully it is so for my friends too. As for the melancholy post I had put up the other time, I have learned to looked at it from another aspect of life and will continue to do so in future. Look at it from this point, life would be dull and inevitable if there is no changes to it, o instead of moaning and whining, why can't I accept it as a new start for me? I know I can and I will do it well.
8:53:00 PM
Friday, November 7
Life after the Preliminary Examination has been a tiring and difficult venture for me. Many people may be in the same situation too but look at it from this way, I can only be bothered by other problems after I can solve mine[and if only I can].
Whilst trying to cope with friendship problems that surface along the way, the ultimate fear GCE 'O' level approaching is ghastly - itimidating. Above all, adapting myself to the ever-changing environment is a disastrous chore. Why does it have to work against my momentum in life? How can i ever free myself from these harsh reality of life? The truth is i can never and i doubt anyone can.
The sense of desperation complimented with a broken heart weigh mercilessly on me like heavy burdens. I wonder how long i can continue with this uneven journey? Precariouness is the word that can describe my situation now. I get an image that i am actually making "a perilous voyage across the Atlantic in a small boat". Looks like I can never get out of this mammoth complication. I feel as though i am suffocating yet I am not prepared to mark an end in death. What should I do?
1:02:00 PM
